


Not So Subtle Plans

by Nemesis (ThetaSigma), ThetaSigma



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barba is snarky, M/M, They disagree on big life things, argument
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 05:05:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11844525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/Nemesis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/ThetaSigma
Summary: Barba and Carisi have a frank exchange of ideas about where they see their lives heading.





	Not So Subtle Plans

**Author's Note:**

> My own personal headcanon for these two

Barba slammed the door to their apartment shut. (The fact that it was _their_ apartment had taken about three years, and it was only because Carisi had pointed out that he spent one night a month at _his_ apartment and he was really rather sick of paying rent on a place he kept basically no stuff at and did not spend any meaningful time at and would Rafael finally _let him officially move in already_ )

“I know what you’re doing with these nights,” Rafael said, pouring himself a stiff drink.

“Oh?” Sonny asked casually, undoing his tie. He moved in for a kiss, but Rafael evaded him.

“Don’t you play the innocent with me.”

“Would I?”

Rafael took a long drink, looked at his glass consideringly, hesitated, then added a bit. “It’s one of your better tricks,” he said. “It’s not going to work this time. And neither is distracting me with sex, so _don’t even think about it._ ”

Sonny _had_ been thinking about it, to be fair, because it quite often worked – Rafael loved to argue, true, but he did that all day, and he _really_ liked to fuck. 

“Visiting Amanda, and your sisters, and Liv, and now Munch and Fin when they’re babysitting for the week. You’re trying to get me to want a baby.”

Okay, so he _had_ seen through Sonny’s plan. Although it hadn’t been a particularly _subtle_ plan. Sonny decided to run with it. “And is it working?” he asked.

“ _No!_ ” Rafael snapped. “I _hate_ children. I’ve _told_ you I hate children. I told you that when we first started fucking. I don’t _do_ children. I made it clear from the beginning that if you stuck with me, we wouldn’t be having children! All these visits accomplish is making me hate the little brats even more!”

“I thought maybe spending time with them would change your mind.”

“They’re whiny little shits.”

“They’re very cute.”

“They all look the same.”

“They do not!”

“And not particularly cute. And they cry. And they have zero control of their bodily functions. And they’re needy. And they have no sense of boundaries. And…”

“You _really_ hate them, don’t you?”

“I had a _vasectomy at age 22_ , doesn’t that tell you _something_?”

“People change.”

“Generally, if you let someone cut your balls, you’re pretty decided on the whole children issue.” Barba rubbed his forehead. “Sonny. I know you love children. But I don’t want them. It’s never been a life goal for me. If we’re going to be together, it’s going to be a childless life. I understand if that’s not something you want – but with me, you can’t have children.”

And Sonny knew what he wanted – Rafael over having his own children. He wrapped his arms around his partner and said, “Well. In that case, I’ll stop trying. But I’m not having my own vasectomy.”

“On the off-chance you might knock me up by accident?” Rafael asked dryly.

“Stranger things have happened,” Sonny said seriously, but his eyes were twinkling. “I believe we should at least try,” he added, leading Rafael towards their bedroom.

This time, Rafael let himself be distracted with sex.


End file.
